#36 The Soloist

It’s no secret that Jamie Foxx is a bit of a douchebag in real life, but I kinda find him to be the movie equivalent of Liam Gallagher – as a person, he’s a total jackass, but it’s hard to fault the talent. I can only assume that Jamie took this role in The Soloist so he can get another Oscar nomination – because everyone knows that ‘tards equal Oscar glory. While this movie isn’t the greatest movie of the year, there’s no denying that Jamie Foxx is an amazing actor.

The Soloist is a movie about LA Times journalist Steve Lopez, who’s looking desperate for a meaningful story to write about, when he one day stumbles upon a mentally challenged violin player (like there’s any other kind, am I right orchestra-geeks? BAM!) Nathaniel Ayers, who … you know what, I’ve seen this movie a dozen times, as you have. Rich Guy meets up with Guy From The Wrong Side Of The Tracks to help give him a second chance, and The Rich Guy realises he has just as much to learn, and everyone ends up all the better for it.

I guess the best I can say about this movie, is that it’s “nice”. It’s the kind of movie that I could easily show my mum. In fact, mum if you’re reading this, you and Dad should go and see it.

That above sentence is either a recommendation or a warning. You pick. It’s an enjoyable film, don’t get me wrong, and I was happy to sit through it, but just know that there’s almost nothing original about this movie. I mean, look at the art style of the poster – you’ve ever seen that a dozen times before. The only original thing about this, is that this is actually based on a real story.

It has some nice moments in it, and it’s a lovely way to spend 90 minutes on a Sunday afternoon, but just don’t go into it with high hopes, and you’ll be fine.

I give The Soloist 3 out of 5 Unfinished Symphonies

“I’m telling you, it was such an unbelievable experience – the whole thing, the whole day and if you had seen him, if you could have felt him. I mean it’s the same hall, we’re listening to the same goddamn music, but no, you see him it’s one thing, but you feel him, I’m watching him and he’s watching the music and while they’re playing, I say ‘my god, there is something higher out there, something higher out there and he lives with it and he’s experiencing it – i’ve never experienced it, but i can tell, i don’t even know what you fuckin call it?”
“grace”
“what? what is it?”
“GRACE”
“THAT’S grace? Thank you! To be there with him like that and see the way that he is transported – he surrenders. Dammit honey. I mean, I’ve never loved anything the way he loves that music”

#35 – Family Guy Presents ‘Blue Harvest’

Okay, so I guess this is kind of cheating. It’s not really a “movie” exactly, but it is a ‘feature-length’ episode, and it was released on dvd as it’s own special, so fuck it. Besides, I’m a little behind schedule and need to catch up, so this is a quick win for me.

I really don’t know what to say about this – it’s exactly what you think it is. It’s Family Guy taking off Star Wars IV. It’s good because there’s enough for just the casual Family Guy fan (because let’s face it, if there’s anyone that hasn’t seen the Star Wars trilogy, well, I can’t know you), but then there’s a heap of great references to keep fans going as well – some of the ‘camera’ shots are absolutely perfect. Not to mention how much they would’ve paid in royalties.

So, essentially, the ‘episode’ happens when the episode opens to the Griffins watching tv (one of the funniest gags of the whole thing), when the power goes out, Peter tells everyone the story of Star Wars. One of the best bits is actually right at the end, when Chris accuses Peter of just copying what Robot Chicken did a few months ago – funny because Chris is voiced by Seth Green, one of the co-creators of Robot Chicken, with Peter, voiced by Seth MacFarlane, one of the creators of Family Guy.

As a self-confessed Star Wars geek, the most impressive thing about this is the attention to detail. From the same shots, to homages to favourite quotes, to picking at what was originally a huge plot hole that have been talked about for years. Naturally I’m going to give this a solid 5 out of 5, and as an indication, here’s the opening scrolling text that parodies the intro to each of the Star Wars movies…

A long time ago, but somehow in the future…

Episode IV A NEW HOPE

It is a period of civil war and renegade
paragraphs floating through space.

There’s cool space battles, and the bad guy is the good guy’s dad. But you
don’t find that out ’til the next episode. And the hot chick is really the sister of
the good guy, but they don’t know it and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up.
I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?

Angelina Jolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it,
and her dad knows it. That’s why they hardly ever talk anymore.
You can run away to Africa, but you can’t run away from the truth.

Oh, by the way, here’s a tip for you: when this is over, go out and
rent the movie “Gia.” She’s way naked in it, and makes out with another chick
and everything. It’s awesome. I stumbled across it late night on HBO after I had
just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest…

Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened…

Oh and by the way, it’s called “Blue Harvest” because that’s what Return Of The Jedi’s working title was.

#34 The Wrestler

This was another movie I watched on my airline flight from the UK. Probably the wrong time to watch it, being all sleep-deprived that I was, because this movie is super-depressing. Even during the rare happy moments, you just know that something fucked up is about to happen. For people that have seen the doco from the 90s, Beyond The Mat? It’s basically a screen-play version of that.

The movie stars Mickey Rourke, a washed up wrestler called Randy “The Ram”, who used to be a high profile wrestler back in the 80s, but these days he struggles to pay rent in his trailer park home and spends most nights sleeping in the back of his van. He wrestles are small-time community halls in local wrestling circuits, surrounded by wrestlers half his age, while he spends his prep time taping up his various failing limbs and joints – that is, when he’s not injecting steroids.

Life goes from bad to worse when, just weeks after having a come-back match in the big-time with The Ram’s arch enemy, he suffers a major heart attack and needs to have a heart bypass. The doctor tells him that his body simply cannot take any more wrestling or steroids, and basically says to him point blank that if he continues with this, he will die. Randy decides to take the doc’s advice and starts on the straight and narrow, yet after just a few days working in the deli at his local supermarket, he realises he can’t take it anymore and books himself in for the showdown against The Ayatollah. The final wrestling scene leaves things a bit open-ended, which I kinda liked, as the movie was becoming incredibly predictable, so to leave it a little open-ended wasn’t too bad.

Along the way, you see the relationship with his teenage daughter, or lack thereof, as she deals with not having her father around. He’s incredibly incompetent as a father, and doesn’t seem to know the first thing about parenthood, but his heart’s in the right place, so you do end up feeling sorry for him. We also see a relationship play out with a stripper at his local bar, played surprisingly well by Marisa Tomei.

As I mentioned the whole movie is fairly heavy-going, and it’s quite upsetting to see a guy take hit after hit in his life, and really struggling to deal with his life after being in the spot-light for so long. But it’s still a captivating movie, and I couldn’t help be stay pinned to every scene just to find out how it ends. Make sure you’re in the right mood to see this one, but just make sure you do.

I give The Wrestler 3 and a half People’s Elbows out of 5

“I just want to tell you, I’m the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I’m the one who was supposed to make everything okay for everybody. It just didn’t work out like that. And I left. I left you. You never did anything wrong. I used to try to forget about you. I used to try to pretend that you didn’t exist, but I can’t. You’re my girl. You’re my little girl. And now, I’m an old broken down piece of meat… and I’m alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don’t want you to hate me.”

#33 This Is England

This is a movie I picked up almost by accident – I was looking at the dvd store a while ago, and happen to pick this up, thinking it was a different movie, then read the back and realised it was worth the hire. And now that I’ve watched it? Yeah, totally worth the hire.

The story’s about this young kid called Shaun, who’s father was killed in the Falklands War, gets the shit kicked out of him at school on a fairly regular basis. He’s on his way home from school one day all pissed off and frustrated at the world, when he runs into a group of skinheads who take pity on him and start to bring him into their group, lead by an older boy called Woody.

One day, a mate of Woody’s is released from prison, nicknamed Combo. Combo’s found a new streak of racism in him, and is wanting a team of followers, only Woody and his mates, who are more of the traditional non-political skinheads, want nothing of it. Shaun, however, chooses to side with Combo, who then takes him under his wing. Shaun is lead down a steep and dangerous path, which eventually ends up in a deadly confrontation and forces Shaun to have some solid realisations about where his life is heading.

This movie is definitely not for the faint of heart, and is fairly tough-going for most of the movie. The racism is incredibly confronting, and it’s quite sad to see a young child swayed so easily on his quest to look for a new role-model. Despite being so hard to watch, it’s even harder to turn away. A quality cast, a solid script and a genuinely great storyline that just drips of gritty realism.

I give This Is England 4 out of 5 St George’s Crosses.

Lovely, lovely, love you for that, that’s fucking great. A proud man, learn from him; that’s a proud man. That’s what we need, man. That’s what this nation has been built on, proud men. Proud fucking warriors! Two thousand years this little tiny fucking island has been raped and pillaged, by people who have come here and wanted a piece of it – two fucking world wars! Men have laid down their lives for this. For this… and for what? So people can stick their fucking flag in the ground and say, “Yeah! This is England.”

#32 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – LIVE BLOGGING!

Well, here’s another one of my movies that gets the reaction of “oh my god, how could you not have seen that movie?” with Ferris Beuller’s Day Off. So, given that everyone’s probably already seen this, I though I might do something slightly different and live-blog my review, so I’ll give some running commentary as I watch it, completely unedited. I dunno how this will pan out, but let’s give it a shot, shall we?

For those that want to play along at home, I have the dvd copy of it (yes, a legally purchased copy – I got it as a triple pack a few year ago, and yet I STILL haven’t gotten around to watching it until now), so to get the full experience, you’ll want to watch it along with me, press play on your dvd player …… now:

0:00:00 START
0:00:39 … is there a movie from the 80s that DOESN’T have a wood-panelled station wagon?
0:03:18 oh god, I hope they don’t do that “break the fourth wall” thing throughout the whole movie
0:03:56 … shit, they really are, aren’t they
0:05:22 if this was around today, I’d assume he was gay
0:05:35 what?? WRONG! THE WALRUS WAS PAUL!
0:06:17 … I’ve seen that teacher in something before, I swear. I should IMDB him later.
0:06:57 oh hey cool, it’s the guy from Spin City
0:08:49 holy shit, that computer is SO HIGH TECH!
0:11:46 ew, did Jeanie just refer to her brother as a ‘trouser snake’?
0:17:26 the first black person of the whole movie!
0:18:07 as if they’d leave it to the school nurse to pass on the news of a death in the family!
0:23:23 seriously, is Ferris meant to be gay?
0:35:00 Cameron’s outfit does not work at all. A hockey jersey with brown slacks? And that hat!
0:36:14 very very nice. It explains the rope on the statue from earlier.
0:27:02 wow, that really is a fucking nice car
0:27:41 .. is she wearing shorts? Are they shorts?
0:28:40 jesus, they really are shorts. Fuck I love the 80s
0:29:04 first genuine laugh of the movie
0:29:32 stop talking into the camera!
0:31:14 aahh, so this is where “Save Ferris” comes from
0:31:58 This principal really has a lot of spare time on his hands
0:37:11 is it just me, or does this seem like a really lame day off? They’re not even drunk yet!
0:38:01 So was Steve Jobs a fan of this movie?
0:42:31 Seriously! Why is nobody drinking????
0:42:41 This Gloria Estefan wannabe is getting really annoying. I hate her character
0:46:02 hahahaha, those sunglasses are AWESOME
0:48:00 do they really have baseball games during the week? In the middle of the day?
0:48:48 Seriously, what is her problem?
0:49:19 Well, it’s nice to know where they got the idea for Home Alone
0:51:35 See, I don’t buy a school principal taking THIS much interest in 1 student. This guy has issues.
0:54:19 Really? An art gallery? How fucking lame are these kids?
0:55:50 Okay, now I’m confused – this is as normal school day and now there’s a parade? With children both in the parade and watching it? Why aren’t THEY in school?
0:57:41 And now I’m supposed to believe that Ferris has made it to the front page of the local paper??
1:00:48 Okay, now you’re really jumping the shark. I’m seriously close to turning this off.
1:03:43 And now he’s hurting animals? This principal is seriously not right in the head
1:04:43 … and breaking-and-entering
1:07:00 wait — so she doesn’t recognise the principal at her own school? wtf?
1:07:30 fucking hell, the towing companies don’t fuck around
1:09:30 Surely you’d just go back to the parking place and complain?
1:11:46 ooh good, we might at least get a good perve session in this scene. Let’s find out!….
1:13:11 hmmm, yeah, that’s not a bad view
1:13:56 holy shit, is that Charlie Sheen? Playing the part of Charlie Sheen? I wonder if he knows the camera is even rolling. They just pushed him onto the set and told him to take a seat.
1:15:32 THANK YOU CHARLIE SHEEN! THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON IN THIS MOVIE
1:16:32 Okay, this clearly is going to end badly. Hughes was never one for subtlety, huh.
1:18:23 What made them thing that that trick would even work?
1:19:19 here it comes…….
1:20:04 wouldn’t you turn the engine off?
1:21:25 aaaand there goes the car.
1:23:48 I must say, he’s being awfully calm about the wreck
1:27:22 I still don’t understand why she hates Ferris so much
1:27:46 wait — isn’t that the girl from Flashdance?
1:28:05 So I just went off to check IMDB, yeah, it is her
1:28:40 but yes, in case you haven’t guess, I haven’t seen Flashdance either
1:29:50 Mind you, I have no interest in seeing that movie either.
1:30:15 I can’t believe I’ve had to wait this long for the only decent part of the movie
1:31:05 No seriously, that principal is fucking disturbed. He would be fired in a minute.
1:32:37 If nobody was home, how did all the deliveries make it inside?
1:34:58 This song is the only good thing about this movie
1:35:26 that is the worst fake-driving I’ve ever seen
1:37:39 GOD WHY WON’T THIS MOVIE END???
1:38:45 THE END.

That was awful. Truly, truly awful. I mean, I know there’s always the factor of not having seen it back when it came out, so part of the point of the movie is kinda missed now that it’s been over 20 years since it came out, so maybe I would’ve enjoyed it more if I’d seen it back then. But now? Wow, this movie does NOT hold up well. Far too many plot holes, way too many cliche movie mechanics, terrible acting, unbelievable scenarios. Eugh. Just eugh.

I give Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 2 out of 5 Ferrari’s.

#31 – He’s Just Not That Into You

Okay, so I didn’t intend on watching this movie. No, really. It was showing on the plane trip home from the UK, so I had near 24 hours to kill. The only thing more embarrassing about this movie being on my list, is that I actually enjoyed this movie.

The movie stars– well, it doesn’t seem to star any single actor in particular, which is kind of nice. It really is the quintessential “ensemble cast” movie. Each of the names on the poster seems to get their own equal amount of screen time. It opens up and starts to briefly explain each of the characters to set the scene. All of the storylines have their own little link – there’s always one person that knows another person involved in the next sub-plot. Unfortunately though, as the movie goes on, the whole six-degrees thing seemed to fade away and they become their own little storyline.

Each of the situations are just as different as the next, yet the same archetypal behaviour is still there too – there’s always one person who’s more into the other person and it ends up badly. There’s no real good guy and there’s no real bad guy either, each of the characters are almost completely flawed, but in that flaw is where the film hits gold with their intended audience, because you get that feeling of familiarity. You ask anyone you know who’s seen the movie, and during their description, they’ll tell you that “and she reminds me SO much of a friend of mine...”. But that’s what makes a good chick flick, right?

Now, ladies, you can skip this next paragraph, because I need to convince the guys why they should see it:

I can only imagine that Bradley Cooper did this part for free, because his character gets to nail both Jennifer Connolly and then Scarlett Johansson in the space of about 5 minutes. There’s plenty to perve on here (I did mention Scarlett Johansson, right?), so even if your missus does rope you into watching it, there’s plenty of great scenery for you to take in – just ignore the dialogue and after the movie’s over, just agree with everything she says and tell her that all the guys in the movie are idiots.

The movie very much follows the self-help-ness of the book, and throughout the movie, it explains the number of situations in which you’ll find that he’s just not that into you. They do a couple of vox-pop type moments to make it look unscripted, but these bits just come off as disjointed and don’t really fit the flow of the movie. The rest of the movie seems to flow on rather nicely, although as predicted, nearly all of the girls get their happy ending, which is rather unfortunate, because the whole movie isn’t exactly told in the typical rom-com style, so I was kinda hoping that someone would end their story a little open-endedly, but it was not quite to be.

While this is a romantic comedy aimed squarely at the ladies, there’s still enough to the stories to get the guys to follow along with it, perhaps even be midly entertained as well. It doesn’t always follow the usual formula, and it’s all the better for it. And hell, if there isn’t enough for the guys, then they can just listen to their iPod while watching Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Anniston and Scarlett Johansson flick their salon-perfect hair and flaunt their push-up-bra perfect boobs on the screen for 2 hours.

I give He’s Just Not That Into You 3 out of 5 one night stands

Alex: Hey, Kelli Ann. Uh, did I get any calls?
Kelli Ann: Since you asked me 11 mins ago, no, not a lot of phone traffic.
Alex: [obsessively checks phone for signal]
Kelli Ann: Oh, my God.
Alex: What?
Kelli Ann: What’s her name?
Alex: Who?
Kelli Ann: The girl… Alex.
Alex: There’s no girl.
Kelli Ann: You can’t hide it, man. I know strung out, and YOU are strung out.
Alex: Please.
Kelli Ann: This is amazing. You can’t focus. Right? Jumping every time your phone rings. Checking your e-mail a hundred times a day. Wishing you could write songs.
Alex: [laughs]
Kelli Ann: No. Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations. It’s always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.
Alex: Shit.
Kelli Ann: Welcome to my world, asshole. Let me get the door.

#30 – The Watchmen

Okay, now let me first of all say that I have not read the comic of this (please stop calling them “graphic novels”. People who call them that are just too embrrassed to admit that they’re a grown adult who reads comic books. Let your freak flag fly, people!), and I had very little knowledge going in. And nearly 3 hours later, I kinda wished I had gone in a little more prepared.

So for those that haven’t seen it either, we’re in 1985, Richard Nixon is still President of the USA, and the world’s apparently on the brink of nuclear war. There’s also a bunch of superheroes around and everyone knows about them, but thanks to some government crack-down, they’ve all gone into hiding and live like regular people. But then one day, one of them is brutally attacked and murdered in his own home. So then one by one, the rest of the superheroes then rally together to work out what the fuck is going on, and they uncover some gritty plot bigger than they expected. Oh, and there’s a big blue guy who likes to strut around naked, showing his wang to the world.

What some of their powers are sometimes isn’t always explained, which is a surprise because the movie goes for 2 hours and 45 minutes. Visually, the movie is wonderful to watch, it really is quite stunning. A lot of the plot are very film noir in it’s feel, and the character archetypes reflect this wonderfully – the character of Rorschach is one of the best character performances you’ll see all year. But, given the amazing source material, it was always going to be hard to make a bad Watchmen movie. From the opening sequence, you’re transfixed into this amazing world that will have comic nerds and crime-novel geeks wetting their pants.

However at the end of the day, I just found the movie so incredibly boring. A lot of the dialogue scenes go on for way too long, and everything it stretched out far too long, except the ending, which appears quite rushed and over very suddenly. While a lot of the characters were portrayed very well, there’s still a few roles that were pretty much phoned in the day before. It’s kind of weird, because I really don’t know what I think of this movie. For everything I didn’t like about it, there was also something I did like about it. I think it’s definitely a flick that’s going to need a few Watchings (hahaha, see what I did there?) to really understand what the fuck is going on. Make sure you’re settled though, because it’s a movie that needs demands all of your attention.

So, this review (of sorts) isn’t really going to pass judgement. Go and see it for yourself and make up your own mind. If you can, because I know I haven’t yet.

I give ‘The Watchmen’ 2 and a half glowing blue wangs out of 5.

Rorschach’s Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll whisper “no.”

#29 Taken

Okay, okay, so it’s taken me a while to post again. I’ve been on holidays since the start of June, and I only just got back from Scotland after spending time visiting my beautiful and amazing girlfriend (she’s spending 6 months over there and I went to visit at the half-way mark of her trip – don’t worry, this is not some crazy internet-dating thing where I fly around the world for a woman I’ve never met. I’ve totally met this woman before. I’ve even see her naked! SCORE!) But anyway, even on the plane I managed to catch a few movies. One or two of them I’m not really proud of, but hey, sometimes you gotta play the cards you’re dealt, right? Right!

So, let’s at least start off with a good flick, shall we? Taken is, in a nutshell, a story about a retired CIA agent Bryan Mills, played by Liam Neeson, who’s daughter is travelling overseas with a friend, until they get kidnapped by the Albanian mob. It’s nothing personal, his daughter just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. See, the Albanian’s kidnap young girls, then turn them into heroin addicts and make them do prostitution. This is something that obviously doesn’t sit well with Bryan (go figure). He then decides to go and get her himself, because he’s some amazingly terrific CIA agent will loads of skills. But not like in that lame Napoleon Dynamite kinda way, but more in a “I know 4 places on your body that I can kill you with one strike of my fist” kinda way.

Now, I’d say that the majority of people would probably know Liam Neeson for being a loveable kind of guy. I asked a few female friends recently, while talking about this movie, what the last movie was that they saw him in, and every single one of them said ‘Love, Actually‘. But for those of you that have seen Batman Begins, you’ll be well aware that Liam Neeson is one bad-ass motherfucker and Taken is just another example of this. Forget about The Wu-Tang Clan, Liam Neeson aint nothin’ to fuck with.

This is pretty much a solo effort by Liam. There’s a nice little ensemble cast, but they’re easily forgettable when in contrast to Neeson. The action is swift and efficient, and for a retired agent, Neeson is certainly in good shape. There’s a few fairly unconvincing moments, as well as a fair bit of “assumed prior-knowledge” with the movie, which sometimes makes it harder to judge who’s a good guy, who’s a bad guy, and what does one consider good or bad to be? Sometimes this can be negative (like the dinner scene at Jean-Claude’s house), but for the majority, it’s just a good little pop-corn flick that I’ll let things like that slide in favour of it’s great fight scenes.

When I watched this, it was a few days before my girlfriend and another female friend of hers take off to Brussels for about a week, so I must say that I’m feeling slightly nervous at this stage after watching that movie. But on the upside, if those two do get captured, I know immediately who I’m gonna call.

Taken is a thoroughly enjoying action flick with enough suspension and action to satisfy just about everyone. It’s all-over a fairly well balanced film with a fast yet stable pace. Highly recommended.

I given Taken 3 and a half unconvincing French accents out of 5

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money… but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it – I will not look for you, I will not pursue you… but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
-Bryan, talking to some Albanian mobster on the phone

#28 Wall-E

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to see Wall-E. I’m a massive fan of the Pixar movies. I own all of them on DVD (2-disc special editions, no less!), and they’re all regularly in the dvd player at home, yet it’s only since the other day that I bothered to watch Wall-E. I think it’s probably because part of me knew that I’d love it, so there was really no rush to see it. Loving this movie was a sure-fire bet. But I tell you what, it was touch and go for a while…

Wall-E is a movie set in the future, sometime after 2010. Wall-E is a robot (WALL-E stands for “Waste Allocation Load Lifter – EarthClass”) who’s seemingly sole purpose is the compact the world’s garbage into small cubes. The world has been long since evacuated, deemed too toxic to sustain human life, and now the world’s population travels around in space in a giant spacecraft (but we’ll get to that later). Wall-E does have a significant amount of AI, and leads a fairly humanised life. He does his work, and he goes back to his home at the end of each day. He’s clearly lonely, having just a single cockroach to keep him company. That is, until Eve shows up.

Eve is sent from an unmanned ship down to earth with the sole purpose of looking for signs of organic life on earth. Because EVE stands for “Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator”. Eve also has her own personality, which seems to be first first, ask questions later, which works perfectly with Wall-E’s almost co-dependent need for attention and affection. Eve becomes curious with Wall-E, but just as a friendship starts to form, Eve finds what she’s looking for on Earth, and automatically shuts down, becoming nothing more than a homing beacon, awaiting pick-up.

Look, I won’t give too much more away of the movie. I don’t want this to be some Wikipedia page on the film – and oh boy, now THERE is a mistake. If you’re ever thinking “hmmm … here’s a movie I like the sound of, but I know nothing about it – I’ll see what it has on Wiki”, then DON’T. Most of the movie pages breaks down the exact plot of the film, thus negating any reason you may have to watch it, because it’s all been explained in painstaking detail. But I digress…

Wall-E is slow to begin with, but as the movie progresses, you realise that the intro is a necessary set-up to a fantastic punch-line. The movie succeeds in two main ways. Firstly, Pixar has once again managed to make a multi-layered movie aimed for both adults and children. It’s a largely enjoyable movie for children, with all the flashing bright colours and adorable characters – for adults, there is still that, but there’s some grim views of the future and actually raises quite a number of conversation topics. More importantly, it succeeds. as all Pixar movies do, because of it’s sheer simplicity. It’s a movie that’s so accessible for everyone, that I could easily show this movie to my toughest of mates and my nan all in the same room, and I guarantee you everyone would get something out of it. I also love that there’s very little dialogue in the movie. Both Wall-E and Eve can barely utter more than a handful of words, but to hear the emotion in their voice by simply saying the other’s name, would melt the soul of even the most hardened cynic.

The movie is fairly slow-moving at parts, and I can see that there are some moments that are purely there for the sake of the kids, but that’s counter-balanced nicely with the adult-aimed themes and culture references. Wall-E, while not being my favourite of the Pixar movies, definitely rates very high. I can’t think of anyone that wouldn’t enjoy this movie.

I give Wall-E 4  out of 5 Pizza Planets

#27 Role Models

I went and saw this with my girlfriend at the movies a few months ago, and to be honest, I was only half into it. I love Paul Rudd, and the previews were hilarious, but I kinda thought that it’d be the typical jock movie with all the funniest bits in the preview. But I tell you what, I got more than I bargained for.

Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd play Wheeler and Danny, two guys who work for an energy drink, going around from school to school pimping out their product. Danny, who hates his job, suddenly snaps one day after finding their truck about to be towed, and runs up a long list of fines and convictions. So instead of going to jail, the court instructs them to do 150 hours of community service, so they find themselves at Sturdy Wings, a ‘bigger brother’ type program for boys.

Now, what surprised me most about this movie, was that in the first 15 minutes, it seemed like another American Pie style comedy filled with nothing but dick and fart jokes. But, while it is partly that, it’s all a really tender coming-of-age type movie. Wheeler needs to learn to grow up and start accepting responsibility. Danny is in a rut with his life and due to his recent dumping by his girlfriend, hates the world and everything around him. There’s quite a few tender moments that I think will be very relatable.

This movie is definitely one of the most underrated movies this year, and its definitely a lot funnier and more sincere than I really thought it would be. And better yet, it’s bloody funny.

Oh, and before I forget, if you’re a KISS fan, then this is definitely one for you too. I do love me some KISS, and so when  was surprised to see so much KISS-humour, I was totally sold.

I give Role Models 3 and a half out of 5 copies of Phantoms on HDDVD.

Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn’t mean large. It’s also the only one that’s Italian. Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.
Barista: Listen, dick, a venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?