Project 101

Dan attempts to watch 101 movies in 12 months

#30 – The Watchmen

Posted by Dan on July 26, 2009

watchmen-final-posterOkay, now let me first of all say that I have not read the comic of this (please stop calling them “graphic novels”. People who call them that are just too embrrassed to admit that they’re a grown adult who reads comic books. Let your freak flag fly, people!), and I had very little knowledge going in. And nearly 3 hours later, I kinda wished I had gone in a little more prepared.

So for those that haven’t seen it either, we’re in 1985, Richard Nixon is still President of the USA, and the world’s apparently on the brink of nuclear war. There’s also a bunch of superheroes around and everyone knows about them, but thanks to some government crack-down, they’ve all gone into hiding and live like regular people. But then one day, one of them is brutally attacked and murdered in his own home. So then one by one, the rest of the superheroes then rally together to work out what the fuck is going on, and they uncover some gritty plot bigger than they expected. Oh, and there’s a big blue guy who likes to strut around naked, showing his wang to the world.

What some of their powers are sometimes isn’t always explained, which is a surprise because the movie goes for 2 hours and 45 minutes. Visually, the movie is wonderful to watch, it really is quite stunning. A lot of the plot are very film noir in it’s feel, and the character archetypes reflect this wonderfully – the character of Rorschach is one of the best character performances you’ll see all year. But, given the amazing source material, it was always going to be hard to make a bad Watchmen movie. From the opening sequence, you’re transfixed into this amazing world that will have comic nerds and crime-novel geeks wetting their pants.

However at the end of the day, I just found the movie so incredibly boring. A lot of the dialogue scenes go on for way too long, and everything it stretched out far too long, except the ending, which appears quite rushed and over very suddenly. While a lot of the characters were portrayed very well, there’s still a few roles that were pretty much phoned in the day before. It’s kind of weird, because I really don’t know what I think of this movie. For everything I didn’t like about it, there was also something I did like about it. I think it’s definitely a flick that’s going to need a few Watchings (hahaha, see what I did there?) to really understand what the fuck is going on. Make sure you’re settled though, because it’s a movie that needs demands all of your attention.

So, this review (of sorts) isn’t really going to pass judgement. Go and see it for yourself and make up your own mind. If you can, because I know I haven’t yet.

I give ‘The Watchmen’ 2 and a half glowing blue wangs out of 5.

Rorschach’s Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll whisper “no.”

2 Responses to “#30 – The Watchmen”

  1. chrystalrose said

    Ugghhhhh. Boring!!!!! Tooo much back story with not enough information. Seeing it in theaters was a torturous decision. I should have just waited for it to come out on DVD so I could just freaking pause and finish the thing later or fast forward through all the dullness.

  2. brutalgod said

    I also found it hard to follow….but 15 cones does have that effect.
    The thing i found most distressing was my feelings of inadequacy after seeing Dr Manhattens massive blue cock.
    His abilities to manipulate matter is one thing, but his nob size is rediculous.
    Manifest yourself some pants for fucks sake.

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