Project 101

Dan attempts to watch 101 movies in 12 months

Posts Tagged ‘movies I hated’

#32 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – LIVE BLOGGING!

Posted by Dan on August 23, 2009

209731_3Well, here’s another one of my movies that gets the reaction of “oh my god, how could you not have seen that movie?” with Ferris Beuller’s Day Off. So, given that everyone’s probably already seen this, I though I might do something slightly different and live-blog my review, so I’ll give some running commentary as I watch it, completely unedited. I dunno how this will pan out, but let’s give it a shot, shall we?

For those that want to play along at home, I have the dvd copy of it (yes, a legally purchased copy – I got it as a triple pack a few year ago, and yet I STILL haven’t gotten around to watching it until now), so to get the full experience, you’ll want to watch it along with me, press play on your dvd player …… now:

0:00:00 START
0:00:39 … is there a movie from the 80s that DOESN’T have a wood-panelled station wagon?
0:03:18 oh god, I hope they don’t do that “break the fourth wall” thing throughout the whole movie
0:03:56 … shit, they really are, aren’t they
0:05:22 if this was around today, I’d assume he was gay
0:05:35 what?? WRONG! THE WALRUS WAS PAUL!
0:06:17 … I’ve seen that teacher in something before, I swear. I should IMDB him later.
0:06:57 oh hey cool, it’s the guy from Spin City
0:08:49 holy shit, that computer is SO HIGH TECH!
0:11:46 ew, did Jeanie just refer to her brother as a ‘trouser snake’?
0:17:26 the first black person of the whole movie!
0:18:07 as if they’d leave it to the school nurse to pass on the news of a death in the family!
0:23:23 seriously, is Ferris meant to be gay?
0:35:00 Cameron’s outfit does not work at all. A hockey jersey with brown slacks? And that hat!
0:36:14 very very nice. It explains the rope on the statue from earlier.
0:27:02 wow, that really is a fucking nice car
0:27:41 .. is she wearing shorts? Are they shorts?
0:28:40 jesus, they really are shorts. Fuck I love the 80s
0:29:04 first genuine laugh of the movie
0:29:32 stop talking into the camera!
0:31:14 aahh, so this is where “Save Ferris” comes from
0:31:58 This principal really has a lot of spare time on his hands
0:37:11 is it just me, or does this seem like a really lame day off? They’re not even drunk yet!
0:38:01 So was Steve Jobs a fan of this movie?
0:42:31 Seriously! Why is nobody drinking????
0:42:41 This Gloria Estefan wannabe is getting really annoying. I hate her character
0:46:02 hahahaha, those sunglasses are AWESOME
0:48:00 do they really have baseball games during the week? In the middle of the day?
0:48:48 Seriously, what is her problem?
0:49:19 Well, it’s nice to know where they got the idea for Home Alone
0:51:35 See, I don’t buy a school principal taking THIS much interest in 1 student. This guy has issues.
0:54:19 Really? An art gallery? How fucking lame are these kids?
0:55:50 Okay, now I’m confused – this is as normal school day and now there’s a parade? With children both in the parade and watching it? Why aren’t THEY in school?
0:57:41 And now I’m supposed to believe that Ferris has made it to the front page of the local paper??
1:00:48 Okay, now you’re really jumping the shark. I’m seriously close to turning this off.
1:03:43 And now he’s hurting animals? This principal is seriously not right in the head
1:04:43 … and breaking-and-entering
1:07:00 wait — so she doesn’t recognise the principal at her own school? wtf?
1:07:30 fucking hell, the towing companies don’t fuck around
1:09:30 Surely you’d just go back to the parking place and complain?
1:11:46 ooh good, we might at least get a good perve session in this scene. Let’s find out!….
1:13:11 hmmm, yeah, that’s not a bad view
1:13:56 holy shit, is that Charlie Sheen? Playing the part of Charlie Sheen? I wonder if he knows the camera is even rolling. They just pushed him onto the set and told him to take a seat.
1:15:32 THANK YOU CHARLIE SHEEN! THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON IN THIS MOVIE
1:16:32 Okay, this clearly is going to end badly. Hughes was never one for subtlety, huh.
1:18:23 What made them thing that that trick would even work?
1:19:19 here it comes…….
1:20:04 wouldn’t you turn the engine off?
1:21:25 aaaand there goes the car.
1:23:48 I must say, he’s being awfully calm about the wreck
1:27:22 I still don’t understand why she hates Ferris so much
1:27:46 wait — isn’t that the girl from Flashdance?
1:28:05 So I just went off to check IMDB, yeah, it is her
1:28:40 but yes, in case you haven’t guess, I haven’t seen Flashdance either
1:29:50 Mind you, I have no interest in seeing that movie either.
1:30:15 I can’t believe I’ve had to wait this long for the only decent part of the movie
1:31:05 No seriously, that principal is fucking disturbed. He would be fired in a minute.
1:32:37 If nobody was home, how did all the deliveries make it inside?
1:34:58 This song is the only good thing about this movie
1:35:26 that is the worst fake-driving I’ve ever seen
1:37:39 GOD WHY WON’T THIS MOVIE END???
1:38:45 THE END.

That was awful. Truly, truly awful. I mean, I know there’s always the factor of not having seen it back when it came out, so part of the point of the movie is kinda missed now that it’s been over 20 years since it came out, so maybe I would’ve enjoyed it more if I’d seen it back then. But now? Wow, this movie does NOT hold up well. Far too many plot holes, way too many cliche movie mechanics, terrible acting, unbelievable scenarios. Eugh. Just eugh.

I give Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 2 out of 5 Ferrari’s.

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#26 Choke

Posted by Dan on April 18, 2009

chokeOkay, so according to Wikipedia, Choke  “is based on the 2001 novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk. It tells the story of a man who works in a colonial theme park, attends sexual addiction recovery workshops, and at nights pretends to choke on food in upscale restaurants so his ‘rescuers’ would pay him out of sympathy and thus cover his mother’s Alzheimer’s disease hospital bills.”

So, I’m hooked already and I’m pretty damn keen to watch it. So let’s go through a list of things about this moving that have me excited about watching it:

the main character is played by Sam Rockwell,
it also has Angelica Houston, who’s an amazing actress,
it has Kelly MacDonald, who I have a huge crush on,
and it’s written by Chuck Palahniuk, the author of the book based on my favourite movie of all time, Fight Club.

Yet, despite all this… My god does this movie suck. I really wanted to like this, but the movie went absolutely nowhere for nearly 70 minutes, then in the last 20 minutes it totally falls apart and it feels like all these ends that were about to be tied up now frayed more than ever. There are almost far too many holes to make this even a mildly enjoyable film.

I can’t go on, I’m only going to trash it more and more. This is one of the most disappointing movies on my list so far.

I give Choke 1 out of 5 anal beads.

A long time ago in ancient Greece,there was a young girl who fell in love with a young boy from another country.One day word came that the young boy would have to go home.So on their last night together she traced the outline of her lovers shadow,so that she could always remember how he looked on the very last moments they were ever to be together.

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#19 Tropic Thunder

Posted by Dan on January 1, 2009

tropic_thunder_ver3I was really looking forward to this movie. I wanted to go see it at the movies, but I just never quite found the time to go. Thankfully due to the lightning speed that it seems to take movies to come out on dvd now, I didn’t have to wait that long.

I should have kept waiting.

This movie is awful. I’ve never been so disappointed in a movie like this for ages. I love Robert Downey Jnr, but his character was a bit of a one-trick pony and the funniest lines he had were already used in the preview. Jack Black was almost nonexistant in his usual comedic schtick, which seemed to be simply overrun by the other actors on the screen. Then there’s Ben Stiller. Fuck I hate that guy. The only thing I really liked about that movie was Tom Cruise’s role and the fact that Alpa’s man that he was in love with, “Lance”, turns out to be Lance Bass.

This movie was incredibly sub-par. Sure, I can see what they were trying to do with it, and I totally get it, but just the execution was awful. I even hated the commentary, which has Ben Stiller and Jack Black giving some really boring insights, and RDJ who kept in character the whole time.

I give this movie 2 out of 5.

“I know who I am – I’m a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!”

P.S.
Here, as a treat, let me save you the copy of rental, the whole movie can be summed up in their trailer:

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#18 Club Dread

Posted by Dan on January 1, 2009

club_dread_ver2Holy shit this movie was bad. I loved all the others that Broken Lizard have done, but this was just rubbish.

Let me save you some time:
– The killer is Sam, the guy that’s the “fun police”.
– The only ones that get away are Penelope, Jenny and Lars.

The only good thing about this movie is when Penelope gets her boobs out towards the end of the movie.

I give this movie 1 out of 5

“It’s not a party until someone breaks the jacuzzi!”

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#10 Layer Cake

Posted by Dan on December 19, 2008

Well, I’m 10% of the way through, so, uhh, hooray?

I love Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, as well as Snatch. In fact, I’ve watched the two of them so many times, I can recite almost the whole thing without actually needing to play the movie at all (this annoys my fiance to no end – it’s great!). So naturally, I was dead keen to watch this – which is probably why it’s taken me this long to watch it. I knew I’d like it, so it’s kinda like I’ve already seen it and approved of it, if that makes sense?

I should’ve watched this long ago. Not because I enjoyed it, but so I could’ve spread the word about how awful this movie is. It’s pretty much looks and feels like someone like me who’s obsessed with the two movies decided to cash in on it too. It’s a lot more serious and gritty than the LS&TSB and Snatch, but the artistic style is there. Just don’t let that “from the producer of…” bit act as some kind of recommendation.

In fact, now that I think about it, this rule applies for any movie – if they have to justify the reason for seeing a movie based soley on the fact that someone that has something to do with this movie did something else that was really good, then the movie’s a stinker. Take my word for it.

Daniel Craig plays the main character, and he does a fairly solid job at it too. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of really great parts of the movie, and there’s some great acting performances, but with everything tied together, plus an overly complicated storyline, it just seems to trip over itself more times than it successfully sprints.

I give it 2 out of 5 Duke of Windsors.

Interesting fact about the movie: The country club where XXXX and Morty meet Jimmy in the beginning of the film is the same location as the golf club where James Bond plays a match with Auric Goldfinger in Goldfinger

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#3 Elizabethtown

Posted by Dan on December 6, 2008

Okay, so last night I wanted to get through another movie on the list, but at the same time, I wasn’t really in the mood to invest 2 hours in a movie, so I wanted something as non-committal as possible. This movie is one of Charm’s favourites, so I thought I’d watch it and see what the fuss is all about.

Elizabethtown is quite possibly one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. If someone held a gun to my head and said that I had to watch Plan 9 From Outer Space or Elizabethtown again or else he’d kill me, I’d have to seriously weigh up the pros and cons of each option.

Quite ironic is one of the first lines in the movie:

There’s a diffrence between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic propotions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to other’s to make other people feel more alive because it didn’t happen to them.

touche, Cameron Crowe, touche.

I fell asleep at several points in this movie. There wasn’t really a single thing I liked about this movie. I can’t stand Orlando Bloom as an actor (I’m still convinced that he was actually born a woman), and I can’t stand Snaggletooth – both ugly and untalented. How is she still getting work?

I didn’t like it for the main reason that I found the entire movie and everything in it to be unbelievable. There’s no way that shit like that would happen, and that the people around those events would react in those ways. I’m calling shenanigans on that entire movie

I give it zero stars.

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#1 Plan 9 From Outer Space

Posted by Dan on December 1, 2008

Well, I got so excited about the list, that I felt that I had to start it tonight, so where else to start but a movie either amazing, or amazingly shit. I took the “amazingly shit” path and watched Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Plan 9 From Outer Space, is, well, it’s fucking ridiculous. The acting is terrible, the special affects are awful, the script is horrendous and the plot is just, it’s fucked up and makes zero sense.

Can someone tell me how the husband dies at the start? Unless it’s possible to die from “never returning to a house ever again“, I’m not sure how it happened? And what the fuck is with that speech at the end about the ball and the can of kerosene?

If you break it down, the movie’s actually been remade a bunch of times before, with that whole situation where the plot of the movie is a metaphor for mankind and all that type of shit, but never this blatent.

If you’re able to sit through this movie from start to finish, then you’re either truly bored, or the batteries just died on the remote control.

It can only get better from here, right?

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